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» The Length of Your Engagement » Celebrating Your Engagement » The Engagement Ring » Calling Off Your Engagement

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:: Introduction

The decision to get engaged is your declaration to each other that you love one another and that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. It is one of the happiest and romantic times of your life.

In previous times getting 'engaged to be married' was a time to negotiate a 'bride-price' since the family of the women was losing a working member of the family and they had to be compensated for her loss. Later on, the situation was reversed with fathers paying their future son-in-law a payment or 'dowry' to marry off their daughter. Today, things are somewhat simpler and the engagement period can be busy and exciting time during which engaged couples plan their wedding day and make preparations for married life.

:: Engagement Etiquette

As a general rule, if you wish to prevent any hurt feelings within the family, a little engagement can go a long way. This can be particularly true of a wedding for which one or both your parents may end up contributing all or some of the bill.

If you think that your decision to get engaged might come as a shock to your parents, you might want to discuss your intentions with them prior to making any public announcements. This will then give them an opportunity to express their concerns and to discuss with you both the implications of your decision. Likewise this is also a good opportunity for you to reassure them that your relationship is ready for what is after all, a fairly major step in your lives.

Traditionally, the man should ask his future father-in-law for permission to marry his daughter. However, nowadays the couple usually make the decision, and only as a matter of courtesy does the man ask/inform his future father-in-law. Whilst most fathers realise it isn't their decision, they still regard it as an honour to be asked!

If the man lives some distance away he should telephone or write to his future father-in-law. Most parents care tremendously for their children's welfare, whatever their age, and may welcome discussing such an important decision with you. This can then give them the assurance they need, that their daughter will be well cared for and that your decision is being made responsibly. Getting your parents on-board at this stage can make the rest of the wedding day planning much simpler and less stressful in the long run.

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:: The Marriage Proposal

Traditionally the way of making a marriage proposal was for the man to make his appeal to his bride-to-be on bended knee. Today though, men usually opt for something a little less spectacular and in many cases it is simply agreed by mutual consent. Your proposal will neverthless remain a memorable event forever and it is worth taking the time to think of a way that is either romantic and/or unique.

However you do it , it's up to you to decide and it is worth considering what your partner would appreciate and the words that still remain most popular are simply 'will you marry me?'. Despite all this, there is still a lot to be said for the good old-fashioned tradition by getting down on one knee!

In the modern world of sexual equality, many more women are taking the initiative and proposing to their men, and this is never more apparent than on February 29th each leap year, when many women take advantage of the ancient leap year tradition by making the marriage proposal. For those wishing to take advantage of this tradition, your next opportunity will be Sunday 29th February 2004!

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:: Announcing Your Engagement

As an engaged couple, you'll be keen to tell as many relatives and friends as possible your good news. The options on how you do this are numerous and include, writing, visiting, telephoning or simply letting people know on the 'grapevine'.

If however you wish to make an additional, more formal announcement, it's traditional for the bride's parents to announce the news in a local or national newspaper.

A formal press announcement usually takes the following form:

Mr. J.D. Dunbar and Miss L.A.Bridle
The engagement is announced between Jonathan David,
eldest son of Mr.and Mrs. Roger David Dunbar,of Brighton, W.Sussex and Lucy Anne,
second daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Neil Bridle, Manchester.

If a parent has remarried, the announcement would read:

Mr. J.D. Dunbar and Miss L.A.Bridle
The engagement is announced between Jonathan David,
son of Mr. and Mrs. Roger David Dunbar, of Brighton, W.Sussex and Lucy Anne,
only daughter of Mr. Neil Bridle of Manchester. and Mrs. Joan Taylor of Leeds.

If a parent is deceased, the announcement would read:

Mr. J.D. Dunbar and Miss L.A.Bridle
The engagement is announced between Jonathan David,
youngest son of Mrs.Sylvia Dunbar and the late Mr. Roger Dunbar, of Brighton, W.Sussex
and Lucy Anne, eldest daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Neil Bridle, Manchester.

A less formal announcement could read:

Mr. J.D. Dunbar and Miss L.A.Bridle
Neil and Joan Bridle, of Manchester,
are delighted to announce the engagement of their daughter Lucy Anne
to Jonathan David, son of Roger and Sylvia Dunbar of Brighton, West Sussex.

If the your parents are hosting the forthcoming nuptials it is customary for the your father to be responsible for making and paying for the public announcements. However, before the announcement is submitted for publication, your groom-to-be's parents should be shown the announcement for their approval.

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:: The Length of Your Engagement

The length of any engagement varies enormously depending upon circumstances, but it is usual for the an engagement period to last from between 6-18 months. Anything less than six months will probably not allow enough time to make all the necessary wedding arrangements for a traditional wedding.

:: Celebrating Your Engagement

Most couples celebrate their engagement with some form of party for family and friends, which is traditionally hosted by the bride-to-be's parents. You may decide to have a small gathering at home or throw a large party. Whatever you decide upon, it is customary for the bride-to-be's father to make a short informal speech followed by a toast to the happy couple.

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:: The Engagement Ring

January - Garnet		It is traditional for the man to give his future bride an engagement ring as a visible sign of their love and betrothal. The engagement ring is nearly always a ring with a gemstone - or dress ring. Traditionally diamonds were favoured - being strong and symbolising security - and often a solitaire (a single diamond). However any gem can be used and it may be chosen because of a special meaning to you - your birthstone maybe. There are several versions of birthstones in existence.
February - Amethyst
March - Aquamarine
April - Diamond
May - Emerald
June - Pearl
July - Ruby
August - Peridot
September - Sapphire
October - Opal
November - Topaz
December - Turquoise

Before you go shopping for a ring, decide upon a budget. That way you will be able to concentrate on rings that you can comfortably afford. Remember it is not the cost of the ring that is important but the reason for the giving of the ring in the first place.

Many brides-to-be like to give their fiance a present to mark this special occasion. This may be a signet ring, a chain, cuff-links, tiepin or some such gift that would have appropriate meaning to the couple.

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:: Calling Off Your Engagement

Not something that you obviously intend to happen however, if you do not feel that the marriage is going to work, it is best to make the decision at this stage.

Officially all engagement gifts should be returned to the purchaser.

If the woman breaks off the engagement, she often returns the ring. However, there is no fast rule, the ring after all is a gift, and no man will reuse it!

If you call off your engagement after wedding invitations have been sent out, you should send a printed card to all the invited guests simply stating the following:

Mr and Mrs John Smith announce that the marriage of their daughter, Beverley Anne, to Mr Stuart Colin Jones, which was arranged for Saturday 19th May will not take place.

Etiquette does not require any explanation as to why the engagement has been called off. Any gifts that have been received should be returned.