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Introduction
Since it is usually not possible to invite all
your family and friends, compiling your guest list can become
the most contentious part of your wedding preparations . Particular,
problems can arise if you both have large families and circles
of friends, as you will need to decide where to draw the line
between family and friends you know well and those that you
don't.
Typically, parents will want to invite more
relatives, whereas you may prefer to invite more friends.
Consequently, unless you have an uncapped budget you will
enevitably need to make some difficult decisions. Tact, diplomacy
and above all, tolerance are the order of the day, if conflicts
are to be avoided.
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Compiling your Guest List
Once you have booked your venues you will know the maximum
numbers that can be invited to your wedding. You should then
consider compiling your detailed guest list at least six months
before your wedding. This will allow you two to three months
to carefully consider exactly who you will be inviting and
to overcome any difficulties that will undoubtedly arise.
The guest list was traditionally compiled by the bride's
mother in consultation with the groom's family. Nowadays it
is usually compiled by the couple in consultation with their
parents and family.
The number of guests from each side of the couple's family
should not be influenced by who is paying for the wedding.
The numbers of guests related to each of the couple may be
different because one of the couple has more relatives or
one side may live some distance from the wedding and therefore
find it more difficult to attend. However, the families of
each of the couple should be given the same opportunity to
attend.
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:: Who To Invite
If the wedding is hosted by someone other than the couple's
parents, they should also be consulted as to whom to invite.
Immediate family and close friends are the first to be put
on the guest list. The difficulty comes when choosing whether
to invite more distant relatives and other acquaintances such
as colleagues from work or neighbours.
It is helpful to group potential guests into :
| Definites: |
Probables: |
Possibles: |
| immediate family and very close friends |
other relatives and friends |
work colleagues, neighbours and other acquaintancesThe
number of guests will be determined mainly by cost although
other factors, such as the size of the wedding and reception
venues, may also have an influence. |
Many couples choose to follow the wedding reception with
an evening celebration. This provides the opportunity to include
other people who could not be invited to the reception.
Some Register Offices and smaller churches have a limit on
the number of guests who can attend. If this the case, then
perhaps some guests could be invited to the reception or evening
celebrations only.
Although most people will understand why they have only been
invited to part of the celebrations some thought should be
given to people's sensitivities.
Inviting Children
Some couples decide not to allow children to the service itself.
Babies do cry, and children do get noisy. Some reception venues
have age limits on children allowed to attend, or just may
not be suitable. It is therefore important to decide when
choosing venues if children will beinvited. Again, a solution
may be to invite them only to part of the day's celebrations.
As a matter of courtesy invitations should be sent to the
Best Man, bridesmaids and other attendants. If the wedding
is hosted by the bride's parents, an invitation should also
be sent to the groom's parents. The minister who officiates
at the wedding and their spouse should also be invited. They
will not normally accept unless they know the family well.
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:: Who Sends
the Invitations?
It is traditionallys the bride's parents who
organise the invitations as they are the hosts of the wedding.
The bride's mother sends out the invitations and receives
the replies.
Where the bride and groom are paying for the whole of their
wedding, it is acceptable for them to be the hosts and therefore
be responsible for the invitations etc.
Once the other parties concerned have drawn up their guest
list, they should send a list of names and address to the
host so that the invitations can be written and posted. If
you are allowing children to attend your wedding, it is usual
to send a separate invitation to each child that is 16 years
of age or older.
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:: When to
send the Invitations?
Generally most bride and groom's will inform their family
and friends verbally of the proposed wedding date to ensure
that they are available and to keep the date free. Only once
the arrangements have been finalised should the wedding invitations
should be sent out.
It is usual to send out invitations 2 or 3 months
before the wedding day. To avoid family upsets, all the invitations
should be sent out at the same time if at all possible.
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:: Invitation
Styles
For the modern wedding there is a tremendous choice of beautiful
wedding stationery designs available ranging from inexpensive
pre-printed designs to elaborate and personalised designs
to co-ordinate with your colour scheme and/or theme. Your
own personalities and the level of formality of your wedding
can easily be reflected in your choice of invitation design
and style.
For example a formal invitation on heavy embossed card with
classic typeface would indicate a formal wedding whereas a
hand written invitation would indicate a more informal gathering.
Hand Written Invitations - A hand written
invitation is ideal for small, informal weddings. The personal
touch is often appreciated by those invited.
Pre-Printed Invitations - There is a wide
variety of styles of invitations available in stationery shops
and newsagents and it should be easy to find something appropriate
for most styles of wedding. This type of invitation has spaces
to fill in the appropriate information, such as the couple's
names, wedding location and date
Bespoke Invitations - Many printers specialise
in wedding stationery and will allow the couple to design
invitations to their own specification. They will also help
in the design by presenting a variety of styles of invitation
which can be modified to the couple's taste. There is a selection
of colours, typefaces, borders, motifs, drawings, embossed
print, and even incorporation of ribbons to choose from which
result in a highly personalised invitation.
All the details of the wedding are incorporated into the
invitation except for the guests' names which are written
in by hand to give a personal touch.
It is essential to check the proofs before the invitations
are printed and perhaps ask several people to double check.
Small errors in times, dates or locations can ruin the day
if not corrected.
It take about two to three weeks from ordering to receiving
the finished invitations.
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:: Wording
Your Invitations
Traditionally, the wording on invitations has been formal
to reflect the seriousness of the occasion. Today it is acceptable
to be less formal if the couple wish. They may adapt the traditional
wording or choose their own.
Certain information should be included, irrespective of the
style of invitation:
- hosts
- the couple
- relationship of bride to the hosts
- wedding ceremony venue and/or reception venue
- time and date
- RSVP
- Address to reply
The following is a standard wording for an invitation where
the bride's parents are the hosts:
| Mr
and Mrs David Green
request the pleasure of the company of
....................
at the marriage of their daughter
Sophie Anne
to
Mr John Brown
at
St Paul's Church,
Meadow Lane, Didsbury
on
17 Sep 2001 at 3.00 pm
and afterwards at the reception at
The Grand Hotel,
Oak Road, Cheshire
RSVP by 18 Sep 2001
10 Poynton Grove
Manchester
Tel: 0116 257004 |
|
A deadline for replying is optional, but provides the opportunity
for follow-up if no response is received. Including a phone
number allows guests to respond as soon as they receive the
invitation before sending their formal acceptance and also
allows them the opportunity to clear up any queries before
replying.
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When the wedding is hosted by the parents of both
the bride and the groom
| Mr
and Mrs David Green
and Mr & Mrs John Brown
request the pleasure of the company of
....................
at the marriage of
Sophie Anne
to
Mr John Brown
........etc........ |
|
When the wedding is hosted by the bride and groom:
Sophie Anne and John
Brown
request the pleasure of the company of
....................
........etc........
|
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When the wedding is hosted by divorced parents of
the bride
Mr David Green and Mrs
Margeret White
request the pleasure of the company of
........etc........
|
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If one divorced or widowed parent is hosting
the wedding:
Mr David Green
requests the pleasure of the company of
........etc........
|
|
If a divorced mother, who has remarried, and the
stepfather are hosting the wedding
| Mr
and Mrs Peter White
request the pleasure of the company of
....................
at the marriage of her daughter
Sophie Anne
to
Mr John Brown
........etc........ |
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The simple rule is if the hosts are married then they are
named as Mr and Mrs X .... If they are divorced they are name
separately e.g. Mr X and Mrs X ... or Mr X and Mrs Y ...
When the wedding is hosted by a relative other that
a parent, such as a sibling, a grandparent or godparent,
the same rule applies in naming the host. The relationship
of the host to the bride is given, for example:
| Mr
and Mrs Alan Grey
request the pleasure of the company of
....................
at the marriage of their niece
Sophie Anne
to
Mr John Brown
|
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Reception Only Invitation
Although not essential, a simple explanation at the end of
the invitation will avoid possible misunderstanding.
Mr and Mrs David Green
request the pleasure of the company of
....................
at the reception to celebrate the marriage of
their daughter
Sophie Anne
to
Mr John Brown
to be held at
The Grand Hotel,
Oak Road, Cheshire
on 17 Sep 2001 at 4:30 pm
Owing to the small size
of the Church only immediate family
can be invited to the ceremony. We hope you
will understand.
RSVP by 18 Sep 2001
10 Poynton Grove
Manchester
Tel: 0116 257004 |
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Evening Only Invitation
Mr and Mrs David Green
request the pleasure of the company of
....................
at the evening reception to celebrate the marriage
of their daughter
Sophie Anne
to
Mr John Brown
to be held at
The Grand Hotel,
Oak Road, Cheshire
on 17 Sep 2001 from 8:00 pm
RSVP by 18 Sep 2001
10 Poynton Grove
Manchester
Tel: 0116 257004 |
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:: What to
Include with the Invitation
If guests are unlikely to be familiar with the locality of
the wedding it is helpful to include a map of the area showing
the location of the wedding and reception and major roads
in the area.
Brief details of local hotels can also be included if guests
need to stay overnight after the reception. Your chosen reception
may offer discounts to your guests.
Wedding gift lists should not be included with invitations.
The gift list should only be sent if it has been specifically
requested. Otherwise the impression may be given that a gift
must be brought in order to attend the wedding.
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:: Replying
to an Invitation
It is courteous to reply to an invitation as soon as possible;
preferably within 3 days. If there is any doubt as to whether
a guest can attend, or if a family needs more time to give
definite numbers attending, this should be conveyed to the
host immediately.
Replies should be in the same form as the invitations. A
formal invitation in the third person should be responded
to in that style, as shown in the following example:
Mr and Mrs Peter Isles and their daughters Sophie and Sara
thank Mr and Mrs John Smith for their kind invitation to the
wedding of their daughter Beverley to Mr Stuart Jones at St
Mary's Church, Church Lane, Preston on 19 May 2000 at 11.30
am. and afterwards at The Lincoln Hotel, Gerard Road, Preston
and have great pleasure in accepting / but regret they are
unable to attend.
It is important for guests to respond quickly even if they
are unable to attend. This allows the organiser to finalise
numbers promptly and to offer available places to alternative
guests.
It is helpful to guests if reply cards are
sent out with the invitations. These can be obtained from
the same source as the invitations.
A typically worded acceptance card is shown below:
Mr and
Mrs ....................are pleased to accept
your kind invitation for Saturday 17 Sep 2001
Number
of guests.......... |
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:: Cancellations
and Postponements
If the wedding is postponed or cancelled notices should be
sent out as soon as possible. The notice usually contains
a basic reason but this can be omitted.
Cancellation Notice
| Mr
and Mrs David Green announce that the marriage
of
their daughter Sophie Anne
to Mr John Brown will not take place.
|
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Postponement Notice
| Owing
to the sudden death of Mrs Green's sister
the wedding of her daughter Sophie Anne
to Mr John Brown
at St Paul's Church, Didsbury
on 17 Sep 2001 at 3.00 pm
and afterwards at the reception at
The Grand Hotel, Oak Road, Cheshire
has been postponed until 04 May 2002 at 2:00 pm
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If the wedding is cancelled the gifts should be returned.
If the wedding is postponed the gifts may be kept. If the
wedding is postponed and then later held in private with only
immediate family present it is polite to offer to return the
gifts although most people will insist the couple keep them.
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